I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
