I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
