i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
