Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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