all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
