I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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