my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
