She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
