I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
