and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
