Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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