I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
