There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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