Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
