i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
