I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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