I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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