so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
