tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
