there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A+ Viking dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
