I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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