people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
