you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize