You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He? As in you personified your dick?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
