I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
