At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
