there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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