I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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