alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
