Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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