im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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