I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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