So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
