im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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