now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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