just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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