Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
