Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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