I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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