I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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