Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
