I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
