just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
that may or may not have been my penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
