so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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