I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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