he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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