Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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