so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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