so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
