worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
