So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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