Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
