i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
