I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The best revenge is premature balding
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
